When you get a divorce, the last thing you want to do is see your ex for a long time. The very thought of them can bring anxiety and anger to you, regardless of how things ended. In a sense, this is true. You need a clean break, and it’s good to take time apart to reconnect with yourself and heal from the process. So why would you reconcile after divorce? What’s an easy to follow guide on reconciling after divorce? Here are some answers.
Reason to Reconcile #1: There are children involved. If you have children, you need to begrudgingly accept that you will have to deal with your ex, probably for the rest of your life. Your children come first, and there are specific reasons why it’s important to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex.
Method to Reconcile #1: First, take some much-needed time away from your ex and collect your thoughts. Don’t come into contact with them with an angry approach, or it will be one strife after another. Discuss a time that you can sit down and talk with them, so you can approach how you will raise the children together and maintain a healthy relationship. Also, do not speak poorly of your ex to your children, unless it is out of necessity (abuse, etc.) Keep in mind that it will serve no purpose, especially if there is a joint custody arrangement in place. It will only confuse the child and make them stressed out and angry with one, or both of you.
Reason to Reconcile #2: A family event, or tragedy. Is one of your children getting married? Perhaps your ex’s mother, who you were very close with, is on their deathbed. Regardless, there are often times in life that we cannot avoid reconciling with our exes, especially if children are involved.
Method to Reconcile #2: Recognize that this event is not about you, nor your spouse’s marriage. It is about an external circumstance which you cannot avoid dealing with. So don’t make it about you or your ex. Rather, try to approach is in the most adult way possible. Comfort your ex if they have lost a loved one, while keeping it tactful and respectful. Attend a family event together and be pleasant. You don’t need to be best friends with your ex when you see them. Simply keep things as drama free as possible and everything should work out.
Reason to Reconcile #3: You want to get back together. Yikes! So you went through the divorce, signed the papers, and now the both of you have fallen madly back in love? This story happens more often than you think. It doesn’t usually work out, but sometimes, it does, and can. According to Restore Marriage After Divorce, these relationships can work when “the answer lies in what both partners are willing to do to make the relationship work for the long haul.”
Method to Reconcile #3: Make sure, first of all, that this is really what both of you want. Are you sure that it isn’t just because you are lonely, or apart, or romanticizing the good parts of your marriage and ignoring the bad? Think to yourself, if it didn’t work out last time, what will make it work out this time? If you’ve truly answered these questions, and realize that you are getting back together for the correct reasons, the best advice to give is to make sure that the two of you see a counselor. You need to make sure that the same problems that existed before don’t lead to another divorce.
Reconciling after divorce is more likely to happen, according to the Huffington Post, “at an earlier stage (in the process). There’s more ambivalence about the divorce and more openness to getting help.” So perhaps if you haven’t gotten the actual divorce yet, the best thing to do would be a trial separation, or legal separation, rather than a full blown divorce. However, this is only if you are having second thoughts about the divorce in general.
Reconciliation is tough, but manageable. Reconciliation for any reason after divorce, be it for family or for a relationship, can be a challenge. However, it is not impossible for it to work, if taken seriously, and approached logically. Only you can decide the best path forward to reconciling with your ex, but take some of these methods into consideration during your journey.