Forever is a long time when it comes to avoiding issues and annoyances that can put a damper on your marriage as a whole. That’s why so many marriages end in divorce. But while any number of things can go wrong and lead to a divorce, most, if not all, of them start from one particular issue. The Huffington Post recently touched on this issue in a post detailing the six signs it’s time to get out of your marriage. Not surprisingly, this one issue was at the top: lack of mutual respect.
“When one or both spouses stop respecting one another,” the site notes, “the foundation of the marriage is torn apart and little can be done to mend it. This is the biggest cause of divorce and is usually behind all the other issues involved.”
Very true! Love and respect are tied together, especially within the realm of marriage, and if you lose respect, love will soon follow. Here are some things you can do to keep this from happening.
1. Trade places.
One of the most common reasons that people tend to lose respect for their significant others is that they simply take for granted all of the things that person brings to the marriage — or else they FEEL they are being taken for granted. Regardless of which side of this you’re on, you can do one thing to prevent it. Trade places with each other. Now obviously, you can’t switch jobs and other essential responsibilities that rely on your individual identities. However, you can identify areas where you give to the marriage that can be “swapped out” for a few days (e.g. laundry, household fix-it jobs, paying bills, budgeting, etc.). Take three or four days to walk in the other person’s shoes. This often helps you achieve an important level of empathy with your spouse, which allows you to rebuild or reawaken respect.
2. Find time to date.
People often cease respecting one another because they forgot what it was like to be a couple. By extracting yourselves from the day-to-day monotony and making “couple time,” going out on more dates, etc., you can start to see each other as unique individuals again. With that, respect and love are never far away.
3. Show appreciation.
Showing your spouse you appreciate them often has a way of being reciprocated. In other words, if you do it, they do it. It’s not foolproof, and won’t work every time, but if just one of you starts showing more appreciation for what the other does, it can lead to some huge advancements in the quality of your marriage.
Are you and your spouse having trouble maintaining respect for one another? What are some specific areas you struggle with?
How does the site address the issue if Alimony?
Married 18 years, wife has not worked.
Husband, General Contractor, income haas varied greatly over the years.
On disability , he left me with the bills. He started paying the mortgage of $468.05 and giving me $180 in cash. Now he doesn’t want to do that anymore, leaving me stressed and extremely worried. He left me for another woman!!!
My husband is very impatient with me and our 1 year old son and 2 year old daughter. He has no respect for us. He seems to have no concern or emotions anymore and only worries about his own needs. He I’d down right mean to us! How do I know if we should just call it quits and get a divorce?
She stopped having intimicy with me a year ago. I tried for 10 months to work on the relationship but she wasnt having it. So i reduced her income to what i would be giving her if we were seperated …maybe a little more ….until we start communicating properly. She said she doesnt care.
Trust, lies, cheating, child out of wedlock no respect,
I forgot how much i enjoy living alone and being by myself. 3 months ago when we both decided to split and quit trying it was like a huge relief for me. We’ve been spa of a failing marriage with no respect for the last 3 years…
I cannot wait until I can live freely again. I have nothing but admiration
Denise
I’ve been married 30 years. I have done everything possible to save my marriage understanding, spiritual and psychological. He has had an affair, he is irresponsible with money, he spends friviously without considering consequences and bills, he is an alcoholic and a liar. The older he gets the weirder he becomes, it’s almost creepy, just to think at one time I loved him. I’ve had it, I know its over because I don’t touch him and I don’t like him touching me, I don’t like talking to him, I don’t argue, I care less if he walks in the door, I care less if he takes his time coming home, I care less if he has an affair and if he does I will thank the woman. nothing is there. Someone told me once, that the opposite of love is you don’t care.. I warned him that if he did not make an effort to change that this day would come this was said in 2001 and here I am. I made it long enough, our children are grown. They see his dysfunction and see my unhappiness. I went back to school have a bachelors and working on graduate. I cannot withstand another 4 years of going to school and living with him his foolishness, immaturity, his negativity. I’m done Im older and I deserve before I die to be happly whether alone or with someone else. 32 years wasted.
We have been married almost 19 years but been together 24. He has an alcohol addiction n just recently became addicted to meth. He has been physically abusive n currently I have a restraining order against him for 5 years. He currently resides with his son. We have grown apart over the past year but he blames me for his problems. My wish is to get a divorce n I’ve already moved. I don’t know if I’m entitled to alimony but I took care of him for the last 11 years.