Have you about had it with the state of your marriage? Are you just burnt out and ready to move on? If you feel like a separation or divorce is the next step to take, that is only a decision for you and your partner to make. However, be aware that once you decide it’s time to move on, there is no going back. And certain problems that exist now will continue to exist if not addressed properly.
Many have the false perception of divorce, and think that it will solve all of their problems. Divorce will fix some problems, but not all. Regardless of whether you are certain in your belief that divorce is the answer, there are other things you need to consider as well.
Here are 3 top reasons why people believe divorce will solve all of their problems.
1. They completely blame the other partner for everything.
If you have no ability to sense that it takes “two to tango”, you are going to run into the same problems in a future relationship. Every marriage has a dance, and both partners play into the other person’s insecurities, fears, and needs. Perhaps you harbor so much resentment at your spouse, that even certain types of criticisms they have of you that may be true, you refuse to acknowledge.
Very rarely is one person solely responsible for a marriage falling apart. If the fault does not lie with you at all, however, especially if you have been a victim of abuse or infidelity, then it is different. However, you must do some soul searching to ensure that you won’t fall into that trap again in the future. If you are attracted to a certain type of abusive person, it may help to get counseling in order to address these issues.
2. They are ready for a real romance and tired of the boredom that comes with marriage.
The problem with this theory is that every relationship can get boring over time. If you truly think way back, there was a time when you probably felt those stomach butterflies about your spouse. After years of seeing the same person day in and day out, the passion and spark fades. Unfortunately, you will find this everywhere.
It’s important to keep the passion and spark alive in any relationship, but not expect that every moment is going to be exciting and fun. If you keep your expectations lower, in regard, you are bound to be happier accepting your partner for who they are. People gain weight, get older, change hairstyles, and even change interests over time. Understand that this is normal.
3. You had an affair and think that a brand new life with your new partner would be perfect if you could just get out of your marriage.
This is a false reality of divorce as well. Yes, you may be happier with your new partner. It isn’t fair to anyone to stay in a situation while you are being dishonest about what’s really going on. But new complications can arise in a new relationship, so this perception of divorce as being a problem solving strategy is not true.
If you have children, expect them to be very angry and hurt for some time. Expect that others, including family members may gossip and be disappointed in you. You will feel guilty, regardless of whether or not you are making the right decision. Perhaps others will refuse to accept your new partner. And be wary that if you have cheated in the past, you may be more prone to do it again. Of course this is not true for everyone, but it is something to look out for.
If you have considered all of these points and are still ready to move forward with your divorce, then go ahead. Just recognize that while divorce may resolve some problems, it will not resolve everything. Divorce issues are tough. That’s why it’s best to be prudent while making a final decision.