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Being Single Is Harder Than CouplingCandace Bushnell, the writer who inspired Sex and the City, knows a lot about being a single woman, particularly in the NYC in which her famous TV series takes place. She recently chatted with Huffington Post about why she thinks it’s harder to be a single person than one, who is married or in a relationship.

“I think being single is harder [than being married],” Bushnell said. “If you’re a single woman people are always asking you ‘Are you dating?’ ‘When are you gonna meet someone?’ … Once you are married, it’s like you’re safe. People know your story. When you’re single, you’re not quite safe. People don’t quite know your story.”

While Bushnell’s comments were discussing women in particular — in fact, later in the interview she has this to say: “I’ve been asked so many questions about my relationship status and my sex life, and it is true these are not things that we would ask men” — they actually hold true for everyone, to a certain extent. If you feel like being single is too difficult, though, here are some things you can do to turn it around.

1. Connect with people and hang out in a non-sexual environment. 

In other words, remove the expectation of sex and start hanging out with people you connect with interest-wise. If you don’t already have a group of friends, who feel as passionate about you do as certain things, then find a meet-up group in your area. (The Internet is a friend.) If you can’t find one, start one of your own. It’s true. If you build it, they will come.

2. Date, but hold off on the serious talk. 

Human companionship is nice, but before kicking your relationship with a person into overdrive, determine if they’re a good match first. You would be surprised how many fail to do this.

3. Focus on personal accomplishments. 

When you enter a relationship, it has to become about “us” if there is a chance of success. When you’re single, you have a rare opportunity to focus on you — personally and professionally. Give it your all and pursue the things that interest you. Life changes when you tie your destiny to another.

What are some things that have helped you better enjoy the single life, and is Candace Bushnell right? Is being single harder?

4 thoughts on “Candace Bushnell: On Why Being Single Is Harder Than Coupling

  1. Sandra Mck

    Being single is harder for women who have not been married. The quest for marriage “marriage” is neverending for most women who have never been down that road. Please understand, the grass looks greener on the other side. Many women who have been married for a length of time and divorced in time feel as though a weight has been lifted and they can fly.

    Most people confuse marriage with companionship. Many women marry men who want to marry them but not the right man for the job — in the neverending quest to be “married”

  2. Former Married Dude

    It’s like Diane says, the reverse is true too. Neither should need each other, one should wait to see if one really wants the other person, and that takes time as the article says. And all should wait until they’ve had enough life under their belt to figure out themselves.


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