In a recent interview with the AlterNet website, author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Darlene Lancer dished on the intricacies of codependency and how it can affect a person from childhood to adulthood. Lancer specifically talks about the relationship woes that can arise from being too dependent on your partner.
If you are “unhappy in your marriage” or your needs are “not being met but you somehow can’t leave” and the relationship dominates your thoughts and saps your energy, then there is a good chance you’re a codependent, according to Lancer. “Codependents have trouble being open, honest and assertive with intimate partners which is often the root cause of relationship problems,” the AlterNet site revealed in its interview with Lancer, which you can read here in its entirety.
Lancer’s book, Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You, gets in to where the source of codependency lies and how you can overcome it, but for our purposes, we’d like to look at how it can ruin the marriage.
It starts with intimacy.
Intimacy issues affect more than just what happens between the sheets. It also affects your ability to share and to relate to your partner. If you cannot open up and communicate, then you’re well on your way to growing apart.
How codependency affects finances.
One factor that runs rampant through codependency is that of shame. People feel too ashamed to entrust personal happiness and fulfillment to themselves, so they feel as if they have to hide purchases or other financial decisions from their spouses. This can start a long road to ruin when it comes to the marriage itself because, as stat after stat indicates, most marriages fail due to financial incompatibility (aka money issues).
How codependency affects the bedroom.
Sex is an important part of any marriage or relationship, and when there are problems in the bedroom, there are likely problems between the two people who share it. Codependency can make those problems worse by not allowing you to be honest about who you are and what you enjoy. When that occurs, it can lead to two people avoiding intimate physical contact and slowly but surely drifting apart.
Are you or your spouse codependent? Is it starting to create problems in every facet of your relationship? Share your experience in our comments section.