Some of us, actually many of us, have a tendency to repeat our mistakes. Its part of human nature and it can be construed as the general make-up of our personally. We are drawn to certain things, and these funneled choices lead us down similar paths that ultimately end the same way, and again scratching our heads wondering how we got here again. This can be a template for divorcees entering back into the dating world. How can you break the cycle? And what can you do to avoid carrying your mental baggage into your post-divorce relationships? Divorce can be hard, but being married for years can set your outlook relationships back to an unhealthy state. Here are some common things to avoid when jumping back into the post-divorce dating pool.
Not Everyone is Your Ex
Trust can be an elusive concept to control after being hurt by an ex, and so can fighting your feelings of distrust when entering a new relationship. Once you have grown to distrust a spouse it can be hard not to carry that over in your outlook towards future partners. We see this often with people stressing “upfront honesty” and “no games” early and often. This can often scare away someone who actually has it together. It can be easy to sense your mistrust and outward apprehension. Even if they are honest, it may take you awhile to actually believe, because in your mind you are groomed to always look for the lie, or dishonesty in everything they say. This is an unhealthy way to exist when looking for a partner, whether divorce is involved or not. But this kind of mindset tends to be natural after a divorce or break-up and can continue to damage you, even though the previous relationship has been completely severed.
Don’t Rebound into Another Relationship
Our minds and feelings can sometimes lead us astray when it comes to judging when to jump into a relationship post-divorce. We can easily lead ourselves into situations because we feel we have to. Many times we are truly not ready to begin an attempt at another serious relationship. There are two questions you need to ask. Firstly, ask yourself, “Am I comfortable being alone, without a partner in my life right now?” If the answer is no, then you might not be ready to jump back in. Secondly, if you do happen to start seeing someone, make sure to ask them if they have recently gotten out of a long-term or serious relationship. If the answer is yes, both of you could be entertaining moving forward together for the wrong reasons; or you both could be blinded by a subconscious dependency to have a partner, even though emotionally you both may be jumping in for the wrong reasons.
Drop the Baggage
We all, in some capacities, build from our past experiences. The trick is to incorporate these “life lessons” into our future decision making. Letting our past heavily dictate our future can only bring familiar pain. It’s perpetually unhealthy to keep blaming others for the way we feel. When starting over in a post-divorce relationship it is important to take stock in yourself and where you stand.
These lessons can not only be applied in post-divorce relationships, but in other areas as well. Dating post-divorce can be a daunting task, no matter what age you get divorced at. Knowing yourself first and foremost can be one of the most important facets of entering into a post-divorce relationship with a fresh mind. Being attentive for the signs that lead one into a destructive marriage can often times take truly personal inspection and soul searching. Filing for a divorce, whether an online divorce or traditional divorce is a life altering process, not just as you’re going through it, but the residual emotional scars. Knowing how to properly move on can help you avoid past mistakes and strike out successfully in search of true happiness