In today’s fast-paced world, it really should not come as a surprise that marriages have kept up that same pace. So many people have been issued divorce forms that people are now beginning to see their first marriages as so-called “starter marriages”. In this context, a starter marriage is the one in which you learn what married life really is, and when it ends in divorce, what your role in that divorce looked like. From there, lessons are learned and (hopefully) heeded which you can then take into your second marriage to be a better, more informed spouse.
Few today are fortunate enough to find the true love of their life the first time they get married, and if things worked out, then great! If you are reading this, then that being your story is most likely not the case. All things in life are a learning experience, though, and the process of marriage and divorce is no different. This is not to say that it does not hurt a lot, but that pain can pay off down the line as time heals old wounds.
The good news about the concept of a starter marriage is that this pain now can serve to make the conflicts that inevitably arise in a marriage that much more manageable and much less painful. Obviously, no one goes into a marriage with the intention of it being some sort of a trial run, but when life gives you gators, you have to make Gatorade. The familiarity of those pitfalls that slowly ate away at the first marriage act as warning flags in subsequent relationships to the point where you can almost see the little version of you, complete with megaphone, yelling, “Do not go down that road! You know exactly where it leads!” Given the growing numbers of those looking to file for divorce it is clear many are not listening to their conscious however.
Instead, the realization that hopping over mole hills does not require pull-vaulting over comes much faster, to the point that, eventually, it may not even arise in the ways that it used to.After you file for divorce in your first marriage, often times the small things that used to drive you crazy do not seem as big as they once were. Although they may still be bothersome, they are not the monolithic obstacles to cordial living that they used to be.
Part of this is learning how to better negotiate in your relationships. There are some things that we think are deal-breakers early on in these marriages, but as our second (or third, or…) marriages develop, these deal-breakers start to become few and far between. That is not to say that suddenly either you or your new spouse suddenly become a doormat for the other (at least, we hope this is not the case), but rather that there is an appreciation that some things simply are not worth the fight.
Not to mention when one of you says, “I don’t care where we go for dinner–you decide,” you actually mean it, instead of, “I don’t care where we go for dinner, but I do, I just want you to say it so it doesn’t sound like my idea.” Communication lines become far more clear, open, and honest when you’ve had the opportunity to see where things can lead when they aren’t. There would be far fewer people seeking online divorce forms if these laws for honest, communication were simply and faithfully adhered to.
No one wants to file for divorce, but filing for divorce doesn’t have to mean throwing in the towel for good.
We have been separated since August 15, 2015. He live at a different address. We have no children together & no other typ no access.