Life after infidelity does not get any better if there is no change. The feelings of insignificance and instability do no subside for wronged spouses, and the marriage can start to feel like a prison. In some cases, the only recourse after infidelity is divorce; but good luck entering a healthy relationship if you cannot learn from mistakes and allow your wounds to heal properly.
Throughout the rest of this blog we will discuss how to trust again and regain yourself after you have been cheated on. The unfaithful spouse may gain insight by reading this blog, but their point of view is not the focus.
Rationalizing is Irrational
After someone has broken your trust, you feel hurt, ashamed, infuriated, and probably foolish. These are natural emotions, but they should not become embedded in your psyche. People who have been cheated on tend to either explode in anger or begin blaming themselves. The blame game is always a gamble, but when you internalize the blame, it affects your ability to have relationships.
Many people unconsciously decide to share the blame in things like infidelity, but rationalizing is completely irrational. What rationalizing your spouse’s actions does is reallocate the blame on your shoulders, which demeans yourself and leads to diminished self-worth.
Healthy, Happy, and Alone
“Misery loves company” is a horrible way to describe any situation, so don’t be the marriage this trite saying describes. If the trust in your relationship is continuously being broken, then you must find the strength to draw a line and separate yourself from the union. If your spouse cannot find a way to treasure your marriage, then you have to choose to treasure yourself and find a healthy, happy life, even if that means being alone.
Time Cannot Change Without You
You can wait until your dying day for “Time” to change you and heal your wounds, but it won’t happen unless you initiate the change. Instead of waiting for this unknowable element “Time” to change you, become proactive and be the driving force in your own life. To heal you need to own up to your shortcomings, find a way to change them, and learn to be secure in yourself, regardless of time.
Be Your Own Prize
You wouldn’t give your most prized possession to an undeserving person, so why enter a relationship and “give” yourself to one? This is illogical, unless you haven’t yet learned to see yourself as valuable. If your cheating ex, or any other tool, tries to worm their way into your affection, let yourself judge if they are worthy of your time and affection. Has the person proved themselves to be trustworthy, kind, or responsible? If they answer to any of these is no, you should probably keep looking.
Many things can spark a divorce, but something like infidelity can explode into a divorce. When infidelity arises in a marriage it creates a high strung, emotionally turbulent environment for both parties. But the psychological effects on the wronged spouse are most dangerous because they are constantly questioning the relationship and themselves. Infidelity breaks the trust in the relationship, and breaks the wronged spouse’s trust in themselves. You can choose to let yourself free fall into self-blame, self-hatred, and self-destructive behaviors, or you can follow this advice and come back stronger. The ball is in your court, you just have to be proactive.