If you know the effects of a make-up and break-up cycle, then you’ll understand why there is a need for it to stop. Especially when this happens to married couples, the ill effects are usually long-term.
In psychology, this break-up and make-up cycle is called “relationship cycling”. Not surprisingly, even experts in psychology say that this is something that could greatly threaten the health and well-being of the people involved.
Why People Go Back
There are a lot of people who, instead of trying to find out how to end a marriage, choose to go back to their spouse despite the number of heartaches and heartbreaks. To an outsider, the cycle is too painful to watch. Some may even judge the person who keeps going back. But there are so many factors at play that explain why some people still refuse to cut this vicious break-up cycle.
Some people just aren’t ready to face the unknown. Especially for couples who have been together for a long time, it’s even harder to learn how to break the cycle. Although painful and emotionally draining, both parties could be treating each other as their ultimate comfort zone, the only place where they can be saved from the unknown. Because of this fear, people would rather go through a familiar heartache than risk experiencing a different form of it elsewhere.
A lot of people who are unable to let go of this break-up cycle often has a nagging fear of being alone. They sometimes fear that they will not be able to find someone else and will be left alone after the relationship is over, so they choose to go back each and every time because for them, having someone to go home to will always be better than coming home to an empty home.
One of the most common reasons why a lot of couple always go back no matter how serious the last break up seemed, the children will always be a very good reason for either party to keep coming back. There is a relentless fear that once the relationship is lost, everything else that comes with it might be lost as well – this includes the kids.
Believing this the first time is okay. The second time, a bit questionable. But if you still believe this one the third time and beyond, then you have to start thinking about why you’re putting so much faith in something that will obviously go nowhere.
With so many fears to face, a lot of couples are left with no other choice but to keep coming back. What they don’t understand is that there is something so much better out there than this.
Breaking the Cycle
How do you break the vicious cycle? Here are a few things you have to do to finally break free:
Every time you come back, you also acknowledge that the heartache and pain you experienced last time is something you’re willing to experience again. This means that you become broken even more each time you return.
For you to break free from this, you have to understand that it will not be up to you to change the other person. It has to be a voluntary thing. If the fault is always yours, then you have to make sure you are willing to change before going back. Because if you’re not willing to do that, then the cycle continues.
Maybe a break up isn’t really the solution. Some couples storm out and end the relationship each and every time a conflict arises. This is not the mature way of handling things. Try to cool down, then talk it out. Maybe you don’t even have to go through the cycle. Maybe you can both stay and make it work.
Once a couple gets used to it, it’s harder to break from it. But this cycle is something that can be stopped, with the right kind of work.