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Life After Divorce: Moving On and UpDivorce is such a negative process and moment in our lives that sometimes it feels like life will always feel like you are freshly divorced. Like an animal released back into the wild, you don’t know if you should make a run for it or try to go back to your cage. Many recent divorcees who to visit therapists are looking for answers about how to move forward with their lives, but if you cannot move on without outside direction then you aren’t really moving on.

Re-evaluate Your Measuring Tools

For many people, “moving on” is measured by the number of dates and relationships a divorcee has had after their divorce. But this mindset only measures the shallowest element of healing after a divorce. That mindset says that the goal in life is to never be alone, regardless of a person’s emotional stability, the quality of their partner, and how comfortable the person is in their own skin.

A good relationship can only grow if both people are secure in themselves. If one person is insecure or unsure of who they are and how they want to live, they will just mirror what their partner wants or envisions. That person will then loose themselves and never feel fully satisfied. So why not take the time after your divorce to become comfortable with and sure of yourself. It’s the best way to find a happy, forever relationship later down the road.

Facing Off With Yourself

It’s a difficult task I’ve set down. How does one go about becoming “comfortable” and “sure” of oneself? No doubt, the idea is a pretty one, but it isn’t like you can go out one day and buy a powder or cream that erases insecurity. No, it isn’t easy, fast, or a one-time cure all.

Finding comfort and security in oneself takes lots of reflection, which is why a journal might be a great way to start the process. A journal is like a best friend you can continuously vent to without worrying they will get bored or annoyed. You can write about anything you want, however you want, and whenever you want. The other bonus is that you have a record you can go back and examine later. The elements of journaling are endlessly beneficial because journaling requires a moment of peace, quiet, and reflection; journaling also provides a way to go back in time and evaluate how you were feeling and how you expressed yourself at a certain moment.

Facing the World

However, never forget about the healing power of human interaction. During a time of upheaval it’s easy to fall into the role of a recluse, but that is as unhealthy as throwing yourself into a series of meaningless relationships. A healthy medium between singleton and socialization is what to aim for; but its different for everyone, so don’t evaluate yourself on anyone else’s scale of socialization. This will help you become comfortable being in the world as “single,” and ultimately bring out the true you.

Divorce is never a bad solution in the end; especially if you’re of the mindset that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. In fact, just make that your mindset, because what any recent divorcee needs right now is an empowering slogan to pick themselves up with and keeping moving on and up in life.

One thought on “Life After Divorce: Moving On and Up

  1. JuNae Sorenson Jones

    I love the whole idea of this. I am going through a divorce now and have been since January. My estranged husband wants 50/50 custody. I recently found out he is smoking marijuana in the home with my kids it’s still illegal in Idaho, and we had him do a UA that he did fail, but he will not give up. I understand he wants them just as much as I do. I want him to show me my kids are in a safe environment, with safe people. When I left I knew he had changed an aweful lot, I am pretty sure that is why. He is addicted to drugs, I don’t want my children around it.


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