Dr. Jennifer Landa recently posed the question of whether a marriage without sex can still be healthy in a piece for Prevention. Because couples basically accept that sexual activity decreases after marriage, there are cases where husbands and wives swear off sex altogether and manage to stay married. Even so, Landa doesn’t believe it’s healthy.
“The way I see it, if you’re not having sex in your marriage anymore, there’s a problem,” writes Landa. “I know, not only because of the many patients who have told me about their issues, but because I have experienced it myself. I’ll say it again: Busy or not busy, when sex is gone from an intimate relationship, it’s a problem you’re either experiencing — or it’s one in the making.”
This lack of intimacy is also a frequently cited reason for divorce. But what is it about the loss of sexual activity that makes divorce inevitable?
Well, you might be able to come up with variations of answers, but most of them can be traced to one key principle at the core of it all: one or both parties are not having their emotional needs met.
So what can you do about it?
First of all, seek medical help.
The lack of libido could be due to one or both partners going through a hormonal imbalance or some other health issue related to the loss of sex drive. There is no shame in seeking help for such a condition. If anything, it shows that you’re proactive and that you still value your partner and want to please them.
Secondly, open up more.
Couples experiencing sexually inactive lives may have gotten that way not for a medical reason, but because they stopped experimenting and got bored with each other. When things get boring, we tend to start making time for other non-boring things, and before you know it, we’re playing X-box or Pinterest-ing instead of looking at each other. Instead of accepting this fate, make some time for the bedroom and discuss how you can spice things up. It may be uncomfortable at first, but in time, it will bring you both closer together.
Thirdly, go on more dates.
If you can start rebuilding your dating life, then attraction will soon follow as long as you’re doing it right. Try to schedule interesting activities, compete against one another, or just head to the gym for some racquetball. Seeing each other in a variety of different settings, competing, trying to impress each other … these are all terrific ways to keep the love alive.
Are you experiencing a lack of intimacy in your marriage? Put these tips to work now before it’s too late.