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World's Best Divorce Advice

World's Best Divorce Advice

A recently divorced Redditor’s  uncle gave him what very well may be some of the best divorce advice we’ve read here at MyDivorcePapers. The manner in which his uncle dispenses his advice on dealing with a divorce may seem a bit unorthodox, but if you look past the well written sarcasm, there’s a lot of solid advice for someone going through the same thing. Here’s the letter his uncle wrote:

“Hey man, I talked to your Mom last night and she told me that you have some life going on. I have walked a mile in your shoes, so I thought I would try to pass along whatever wisdom I might have gathered.

“First of all, nobody knows what life is or was like under your roof other than you. I expect you are hearing all sorts of free advice from helpful people telling you profound things like ‘well, you have to work at it…’ Yeah, thanks a lot. I don’t believe for one second that this divorce is anything other than your last option. I certainly remember coming to the conclusion that my marriage had exceeded the point of no return. I’m still pissed at the[jerks] who thought they understood the situation better than I did. Don’t listen to them. It’s just noise. They don’t know or understand what you do.

Amidst all the legal doings, all of the arguments over stuff and all of the other uproar that comes from splitting up there is another process you will be encountering and my advice is not to ignore it. There is a mourning process that comes with this. No matter how you feel about her now, not very long ago you were in love with this person and you had a life together planned that is now gone. It feels a lot like someone died. Allow yourself go through that. It’s normal. At this point your options are either that or go out and buy the new Corvette and bang every broad between here and Panama. Both of them are equally effective, but one is longer lasting and requires significantly less penicillin.

I would also advise you to take the high road at every turn during the legal ranglings. Years down the road you will remember whether or not you walked away with your dignity and your integrity intact. You won’t remember who got the most stuff. It’s just stuff. You have plenty of time to accumulate new stuff. Both lawyers are going to want to wrestle in the gutter for every last nickel. It’s not worth it. Just get it behind you.

Go out and buy a 12 pack and rent the movie War of the Roses. You will need the levity. After the movie, avoid the urge to go out and piss on your future exwife’s fish. If you’ve never seen the movie, you’ll understand later.

There is a hole inside of you that feels like you’ve failed at something that was really important… something that you were determined to not fail at. Everyone, including yourself and me can tell you that it isn’t true, but it doesn’t help. I’d love to tell you that after a month it goes away, but that isn’t true either. All that I can tell you for sure is that tomorrow will be just a little bit better than the day before was and that it does go away.

The world is full of nasty bitter people who didn’t have the courage to step up and say ‘No. I can’t do this. I can’t live this way.’ Most of them go onto the advanced course and raise nasty bitter children who repeat the cycle. Give yourself a little bit of credit for making the sane decision to not be counted amongst them. You can watch them every Saturday night on COPS if you like. And who knows, maybe this is a step she needs to take in order to one day get better herself. We all pray for that.

Aside from the girls between here and Panama, one piece of advice that a friend gave me that was REALLY good advice, was to make a commitment to stay out of any type of relationship for one year. That doesn’t mean that you can’t go to the movies or to dinner. But, people make jokes about being on the rebound, and it still happens all the damn time. That’s trouble you don’t need. There are a thousand switches in your head and in your heart that need to be reset before you will be of use to anyone else. There is nothing wrong with enjoying being a single guy for a while. Go to Vegas. Better still, go to New Orleans. It might be outside of your budget, but I saw some sh*t down in Rio that would make your brother blush.

I promise, the sun will keep coming up. In the wise words of George Carlin ‘God never give us more than we can handle…….unless of course you die of something.’ There are things that you will take away from this thing that are going to make it that much better when you’re ready to give it another shot. I can say with all honesty that if things had to be that bad in order for things to be this good, it was worth it. I’m on your side and if you ever need to howl at the moon, or to talk through this, or anything else, I’m here.

Love always,

Your Uncle

P.S. I loved a girl in Panama once………nope…… by God I think I loved her twice.”


There’s no right way to file for a divorce, but sometimes having the perspective of someone who’s already gone through it, helps out more than advice from those who haven’t.


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