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Letting Your Divorce Define YouThe decision to file for divorce is a tough one, even if you are quite certain that it’s the right move. When you marry, you intwine your life with another person’s, and that can impact them, you, and, if children are present, so many others. It’s no wonder that finally taking that step and filing the divorce papers on your spouse has such an impact. The same can also be said if you’re on the receiving end. But regardless of your role in the process, it’s important to not let divorce define who you are. Remember it’s just a detour on the road to the life that you want to live. If you can’t get on board with that, then you may be letting it have too much say in your life. Here are four ways that you may be allowing divorce to do just that.

1. You’re too busy seeing your spouse in anyone new.

Each person deserves the opportunity to stand or fall based on their own merit. This is something to remember as you reenter the dating scene. Too often, people go back too early and they can’t see anything but their spouse. Good, bad, they’re constantly making comparisons that may or may not be fair to the other person.

2. You’re too worried about being vulnerable.

Marriage naturally leads you to a place of vulnerability, and once that has been betrayed, it can be difficult opening up your heart to someone new. You end up being guarded and unwilling to give of yourself, and that can lead to emotional callousness, all brought on by the divorce forms.

3. You feel more intense negative emotions than positives. 

Whether it’s sadness, anger, or numbness, allowing negatives to outweigh the positives and color your viewpoint accordingly is a telltale sign that divorce is winning.

4. You find it hard to empathize with other people. 

Empathy is being able to step outside of your own experience and relate on an emotional level to someone else. If everything they say or do brings you back to your divorce, then you’re clearly having a hard time letting go.

While it’s understandable that your divorce has an impact on you, the only way to put it behind you is to actually put it behind you. If you notice any of these behaviors in your private time or your interactions with others, resolve to set a new course today. Best of luck!

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