If you have recently decided to file for divorce and you can’t wait to get back out there and see what the dating world has to offer, set realistic expectations. There’s a good chance it won’t be quite as glamorous as you think it’s going to be, and these most cringeworthy dates are proof of it. While divorce papers are often the right thing for a struggling relationship, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. We submit the following as “proof,” thanks to the reddit community.
1. “First date with a guy… he was going to take me out to dinner. Picked me up in his van. As I climbed in, I noticed that the entire inside of the van was covered in red fake-fur. There was a bed in the back with a red velvet curtain halfway across it. Yuck.”
2. “It was the quintessential geek romance; geeky guy falls in love with hot female friend, but doesn’t have the courage to ask her out.
“One day all of that changed. I don’t know what it was, maybe the springtime air, an inspirational quote, or perhaps those experimental testosterone pills I just started taking. Whatever it was, something in me snapped, so I called her up and asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner with me on Friday night at 8.
“She said yes, and on Friday night we ended up at this fancy little Thai place. We had a nice time, talked about various topics, and I thought things were going pretty well.
“That lasted until the end of dinner, when I insisted on paying, and that’s when she realized I meant for it to be a date. She started apologizing, saying she didn’t mean to lead me on and thanking me for a wonderful time, but said she wasn’t interested in me ‘in that way.’ I was absolutely devastated, and though I was able to maintain my composure, things were a bit awkward after that.”
3. “My wife dragged me to see The Passion of the Christ in the movie theatre. She’s Catholic, I’m agnostic. So, bad date for me, but sitting next to me in the movie theatre was a young … couple 14-15 years old. I gathered from the conversation before the movie started that it was a first date. The girl is sitting next to me, and when Jesus started getting his flesh flayed off, this girl totally breaks down and starts sobbing. The guy is on his cell phone ignoring her and texting away. I spent the rest of the movie trying to comfort her, saying ‘there, there, it’s okay,’ while patting her back awkwardly. … Good times.”
4. “Met and had a drink with her at a party. Asked her to go with me to another party a week later, while telling her I liked her and that I thought she was beautiful. She said yes, and at the second party, after buying her a drink and dancing with her, she suddenly gets all excited and pulls me towards some people, at which point she introduced me to a guy she had just started seeing, whom she had met three days earlier.”
5. “I was out on a first date with this guy I met online and had exchanged a few emails with. He talks non stop about himself, not once asking me about myself. After 30 or 45 minutes of this, he comments on how quiet I am. I just said ‘yeah, I can be quiet sometimes’ while wondering how I was supposed to have said anything when the jack*ss wouldn’t shut up about himself. He then proceeds to say ‘that must make dinners with your friends really boring.’ I left shortly after and had to fight back laughter 2 days later when he called and asked for a second date.”
If you are past the divorce forms and ready to date again, proceed with caution. It’s a jungle out there!