If you don’t want to file for divorce, there are certain questions you’ll need to know the answers to before ever tying the knot. Unfortunately, many couples get so caught up in the passion of the romance that comes with a new relationship that they fail to have the conversations that matter. Inspired by this fact, a Redditor hoping to avoid divorce papers posed the question online. Here are some of the best responses.
1. “Do we have more than just love? I would step back from your relationship and look at the components besides love. We all like to believe ‘love will conquer all,’ but it doesn’t. It’s 100 percent necessary, but you also need trust, honesty, respect and forgiveness. Marriage is really freaking hard, especially when it has to withstand outside hardships, but if you have all four of the above, you can not only survive those things, but thrive in them.”
2. “Is your S.O. your absolute best friend? The person you respect most in the universe? If not, don’t marry them.”
3. “Asking the hard questions about children is really important. Not just how many, but questions about education and religion and basic child-rearing philosophies. For school, are you thinking private, public or homeschooling? What about discipline? How do you feel about time outs, spankings and grounding?”
4. “Are you sure you’re not just getting caught up in the hype of getting married? I’m divorced and mainly I wish I hadn’t ignored the red flags, which in my opinion, become harder and harder to recognize the closer you get to the wedding. Once you announce your engagement, your mindset turns more to the excitement of the wedding and you tend to turn a blind eye to the warning signs. Plus, the thought of canceling the wedding can be enough to convince anyone that they can somehow make it work. But trust me, divorce is harder than calling off a wedding.”
5. “Are you both completely satisfied with your sex lives? Is there anything either party wants but isn’t getting?”
6. “One thing I wish I would have discussed with my husband is extended family dynamics. The one major problem we’ve ever had in 32 years of marriage is his family. They didn’t like me. I bent over backwards for these people and eventually won over his dad and won over his mom for the most part. His siblings and their spouses? Not so much. It caused many, many uncomfortable times for me and because my husband is super non-confrontational, he never stood up for me.”
What about you, readers, particularly those of you with some divorce forms experience? What questions do you wish you would have had the answers to prior to getting married?