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Bite-Sized Divorce AdviceIf you hadn’t heard, January marks the beginning of the divorce rush. In the past, attorneys and divorce lawyers have noticed an influx of clients after the New Year, extending into the beginning of February. Some attribute the sudden spike in divorce to couples waiting until after the holiday to drop the hammer on their marriage. Others believe the holidays serve as the tipping point in some marriages. In reality, it’s probably a little bit of both, with a bit of bravado from the symbolic beginning of a New Year. But what does this mean for families going through a divorce right now?

All the same pieces of advice still apply; things like focus on the kids, stay calm, make a clean break from your spouse, etc. But who has time to go through pages of blogs in search of divorce advice? Not many people, so here it is, an anthology of the best divorce advice has to offer.

If You Have Kids
Divorce is especially challenging if children are involved. Divorce and the sudden near-disappearance of a parent leaves a child questioning if they are loved, questioning the stability of their environment, and feeling scared about the future. To avoid this heartache and devastation, work together with your spouse to:

  1. Break the news to your child together. Don’t hype up the conversation too much beforehand because that will raise alarms and cause panic and anxiety within the child.
  2. Reassure the child they are still loved by both parents. Before the talk, during the talk, and always after the talk, let your child know how much and how unconditionally you both love them.
  3. Be honest, open, and don’t shy away from talking about it later. At all times, be honest with you child about you and your spouses decision. Let the child ask questions and answer them without resentment, or shame. Being open and honest will begin to recreate a trusting environment for the child.
  4. Never pit the child against the other parent. You and your ex are still first and foremost parents. Keep that in mind and never engage in activities that degrade the other parent, make the child your confidant, or put the child in the role of messenger.

A Timely and Inexpensive End
If it is at all possible, opt for an uncontested, amicable divorce. No, this does not mean you have to be best buddies with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. An uncontested divorce just means both spouses want a divorce and are willing to collaborate on the divorce settlement agreement. Also, if you opt for an uncontested divorce, you may either proceed with mediation or file for an online divorce. An uncontested divorce saves you time and money, which is the closest you’ll get to a win-win when divorce is in the picture.

Moving On
After a divorce, it’s difficult to find joy in your life or even be happy with yourself. We understand, but in order for there to be a happily ever after (which by the way, does not have to include a new significant other) you have to rediscover you. Easier said than done, we know, but here are a few ways to get your “rediscovering you” phase on track:

  • Adjust your living space. Get rid of your ex’s things you don’t like or that carry painful reminders, rearrange the rooms, buy new things to spruce it up, etc.
  • Find the humor in life. Laughter is seriously the best medicine, so start gravitating towards things and people that make you laugh and feel good.
  • Focus on yourself. The best way to come back stronger from a divorce (isn’t that really the goal?) is to focus on improving the thing you dislike or the things about yourself you wish were better. It’ll be a work in progress, so don’t be discouraged if it takes a while.

3 thoughts on “Bite-Sized Divorce Advice

  1. Mark Keenan

    Over at in the UK, we have always found the second week in January to be one of the busiest times of the year. People are ready to start their new life and we find people who have been separated for two years are now ready to file. I feel sorry the court staff at this time of year.

  2. Manuel Delvalle

    Very helpful tips. It is always important to maintain a good relationship with the other party when having the divorce. There is one important thing that connects both couples and it is their child. Just see to it that the child will be well provided and that the other party will do his or her part in parenting.

    1. Barbara McCarthy

      Glad to hear others share our point of view. You can no longer be a spouse, but being a parent is forever.


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