Today, we’d like to begin a short series on the art of telling your spouse that you want to file for divorce. It’s difficult to know when the right time is, but how you go about it can make all the difference in the world for how difficult the process turns out.
Where some people are capable of handling the divorce papers on their own, they often escalate conflict by making the wrong moves in how they break the news. One of the biggest mistakes they make is in blindsiding their spouse.
In a recent column for Huffington Post, contributor Susan Pease Gadoua touched on this:
“If you have been in marital therapy together or have had numerous discussions about how troubled you are by the relationship, or if the feelings are clearly mutual, you will have more options. The words, ‘I would like a divorce,’ as challenging as they may be to say and hear, won’t necessarily be a shock. But if your spouse has no idea, you will likely blindside him or her and that can be devastating. It may also result in a much more difficult transition for both because your spouse will be experiencing the early stages of grief — denial and anger — while you are not only accepting that the marriage isn’t working, but also ready and eager to move on with your life.”
Gadoua is right, and when you blindside someone with this information, it’s usually indicative of the problems that led to the divorce forms in the first place. See, marriage requires effective communication to be successful, and when one spouse is oblivious to the marital troubles, then there are some clear communication issues that exist, likely on both sides. Here are some tips for improving that communication so the request for a divorce doesn’t come as such a shock.
It’s a tough thing to go through. After all, you both committed “till death do us part.” But sometimes it’s the right decision. You’ve just got to make sure that you make that decision in the right manner.