Okay, so the headline may seem a little crazy, but make no mistake: it works. That’s because once you’ve decided to file for divorce, there will be a temptation to remain friends with your ex. Two people often do so as a way of proving maturity to themselves. “Well, it didn’t work out between us,” they tell themselves, “but I’ll be the bigger person.”
Far too often, these intentions end in disaster with protracted legal fights going well beyond the finalizing of divorce papers. Here are three reasons you need to break up with your ex after the divorce:
One: Successful Marriages Are Made On Successful Friendships.
Translation: if your marriage failed, that’s because the friendship did as well. While some people can somehow continue to have a relationship with their ex after the divorce is final, these are the outliers. No matter which side of the breakup you’re on — the instigator or the left behind — you have nothing to gain by continuing to try. You’ve already tried and it didn’t work out.
Two: It Creates Baggage That Can Prevent Successful Future Relationships.
Even if you and your ex have somehow managed to salvage a friendship after the divorce forms are final, that continued relationship is inconsiderate of the person that follows. They’ll know that a physical attraction once existed between the two of you, so what’s to stop it from resuming? That may seem ridiculous to you and your ex, but believe me, it’s the way normal people in that situation think. Why do that to someone you supposedly care about? Don’t put them in the position of having to be “all right” with it.
Three: It Can Lead To Confusion.
Friends and family will find it hard to accept, and while you shouldn’t be living your life for them, kids are another story. If adults can’t figure it out, don’t fool yourself in to thinking that your children can, too. However, when kids are involved you do have an obligation to be civil and cooperative with one another, so that guarantees that some form of relationship will continue. That relationship can be civil without encroaching on the emotional distance necessary for a “successful” breakup. Translation: You can be respectful and interact with one another without giving off too chummy of a vibe. That chumminess can create confusion with your kids, and that confusion can lead to long-term issues.
Once you and your spouse have decided to end it, end it. Don’t try to make more of the relationship for the sake of pride or in an effort to overcompensate for what you think your kids may want. Focus on living your life; not being a central figure in the person to whom you’ve said goodbye.