Co-parenting after one of you decides to file for divorce can be tricky business. After all, it’s not just your own happiness that is at stake. It’s the peace and tranquility of your children, which can turn on a dime when you decide to start dating.
For starters, your child may not be ready for you to date. That in itself will create problems, but it can be exacerbated when you drop it on your ex unexpectedly.
Since most divorces are one-sided affairs, the ex usually has many concerns as you try to spread your wings into the dating world. Still, with openness and respect, it doesn’t have to be a headache.
Here’s why you should talk to your ex before you take that first date.
1. It softens the blow.
If your ex suddenly finds out that you have started dating after the divorce papers are final, they will almost always react through emotion. The shock of seeing you with someone new can bolster unhealthy, emotional responses. But if you let your ex know ahead of time, they may still not like it, but they’ll at least be prepared for it, and that extra prep can be enough to keep them from overreacting.
2. It shows respect.
Even if your ex doesn’t immediately appreciate the move, the message you’re sending is that even though you’re no longer together, you still respect their role in the lives of your children. Again, it may make for tense interactions, but it will ultimately be a good thing for the long haul.
3. It encourages them to move on as well.
Sometimes an ex will hold off on dating again after the divorce forms are final because they’re not sure how you will take it. By having “the talk,” you can both air any remaining grievances with the idea and make your peace with forging ahead.
In Summary
No one says it will be easy, but it will always be more effective to the long-term peace of your co-parenting if you respect your ex enough to let them know about future dating plans. Good luck as you move forward!