Adriana Velez, in a recent article for Huffington Post, detailed the “5 Most Annoying Lies About Dating After Divorce.” While Velez focused on a number of these lies — the biological clock, the perception that people who’ve decided to file for divorce are “damaged goods,” and the idea that a new relationship will make you whole again — one of her points really stood out to us.
It’s Slim Pickings Out There.
Velez is absolutely correct that this “There are no good ones left” mentality is nothing but a fallacy. Still, the lie persists, and we believe it’s for the following reasons:
First of all, filing divorce papers against someone you’ve made a lifetime commitment to, is one of the most scarring emotional experiences you can have as an adult. Everything you thought you knew about relationships is taken in that moment and crushed like a peanut shell on the floor of one of those Texas livin’ steakhouses. It’s only natural that a little bitterness would set in. And once you feel bitter about something, it’s easy to spread that sentiment around, the way so many do.
Secondly, if it feels like there are no good ones left, then it probably got that way because you continue to select new relationships in the same manner that you did your old one. No one can blame you at first. After all, your old relationship is what you know. It’s what seems familiar to you, so you’re probably going to pursue the same type of person that you did before. Big mistake. Filing divorce forms should be a learning process where you grow as a human being. It’s not a status quo deal.
As Velez notes, there are men “who are kind and mature; They’ve had the same kinds of ups and downs in love that all of us have, and that’s why they’re still single.”
Once you stop acting like you’re the only person in the world who’s ever been disappointed by a relationship and you start judging people based on who they are instead of who you used to be married to, you’ll find the selection is much better than expected.