Recently, a person was asking me about whether it’s a good idea to date during a divorce. While there are many schools of thought on this topic, my own personal experience, as well as the experiences of those I’ve observed over the years, is a resounding “Heck no.” Here’s why.
You May Think You’re ‘Over It,’ But You’re Not
Too many people going through the process of finalizing divorce papers make the false assumption that they are “over it” when they’re not. They want to be over it; but “want to” and “are” are two different things. Divorces take time to process and heal from, and stepping out with another person before it’s even finalized can be reckless and inconsiderate.
You Probably Wouldn’t Be Dating The Right Types Of People
Often times, the people who would be willing to date you while you’re going through a divorce are not the types of people with whom you should probably be involved. While you (and they) may think that it’s a sign of maturity to be able to handle the emotional drama of “helping you through” the process, it’s actually more indicative that they’re drawn to drama, and that over time, they will produce more of it. Certainly not the type of relationship you need if you’re wanting to avoid the decision to file for divorce in the future.
It Could Cause Unnecessary Stress On Your Case
When you begin dating during a divorce, your ex has ammunition that they may be able to use in court to accuse you of cheating. While this may or may not affect child custody and the overall divorce settlement, why risk it?
Also, you may encounter disapproval from your support unit of family and friends, whom you’re probably going to need in the days and months ahead.
One Last Thing
If you’re the person willing to date someone while they’re going through divorce, then there are some unpleasantries you should be prepared for. You will fall under scrutiny you may not be prepared to handle, getting dragged through the proverbial mud. You may feel awkward that the court is looking at you to consider if you’re a positive role model on a child. You’ll face questions of whether the ex-spouse has grounds to be concerned. It can sour you on the relationship as a whole.
If you’re thinking about filing divorce forms, or you’ve had them filed on you, think twice about starting another relationship before the process is even finished. It’s hard enough when it’s just you, your ex, and the kids.