MyDivorcePapers Blog

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Emotional ReadinessRecently, the question was asked on Reddit: “What are some marriage mistakes you can learn from?” Scouring the comments section for some of the best, Huffington Post came up with six of the best in a recent article:

  • Rushing in
  • Underestimating the need for a physical connection
  • Not being able to handle being alone
  • Suffering from low self-esteem
  • Communicating as an afterthought

But the one that stood out the most to us when it comes to those who’ve already filed divorce papers and are now considering remarriage was this:

Not being emotionally ready for marriage.

This entry was spurred by a comment from someone who said they decided to file for divorce because “I rushed into marriage too young.”

“In my community just about everyone gets married right after high school, so that’s what I did, too. In retrospect, if I had taken more time to think things through I would have noticed how incompatible we were. When we first started dating, he seemed ambitious and motivated. I thought we had a shared goal to get educations and get out of our small town. But it was just an act he was putting on to impress me (he’s said as much after the fact). I knew I wanted to leave when I found out that he had dropped out of school and was going off to play video games instead of going to classes while I was working 60+ hours a week while pregnant. It just was going nowhere ever and I lost all interest in him. We did counseling and tried for over a year to make it work, but by 20, I was divorced.”

Unfortunately, that’s a familiar story, especially in the South, studies have shown. But older people — people who’ve already done the marriage thing once – also need to learn from this. You have to be emotionally ready for a second marriage, and the way to do that, is to put the negativity of the first marriage behind you.

Don’t compare your new significant other to your spouse. Be comfortable with who you are before trying to find someone else who makes you comfortable. Get help for the nagging issues that still breed insecurity. If you do these things, you’ll be ready for marriage the second time around, and you’ll stand a much better chance of avoiding the divorce forms.

Good luck!

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