In a recent article for Divorce Magazine, Robert Mizrahi, founder and president of Chaos Commandos Professional Organizers, of White Plains, New York, detailed his six tips for how to behave in the event that your spouse has betrayed you.
Mizrahi urges individuals thinking of divorce papers not to jump right in to knee-jerk reactions and lashing out. Here’s what he recommends:
Document, Document, Document.
“Not all illicit behavior ends up on the ten o’clock news,” Mizrahi writes. “It’s important you document any events that will strengthen your case.”
If your spouse gets a sense that the divorce forms are coming, he may be more willing to act out in fits of desperation, particularly if he wants forgiveness and doesn’t want the marriage to end.
Get Finances In Order.
“Gather all financial documents containing your name,” suggests Mizrahi. “Record the names of the financial institution, account numbers, and contact information. Include stocks, insurance policies, pensions, and retirement accounts. Be especially sure to locate life-insurance policies, as they may affect child support and alimony.”
All the more reason why you shouldn’t lash out when your spouse has betrayed you. Once the decision to file for divorce has been made, all bets are off. The spouse who is feigning sorrow and a desire for forgiveness can turn pretty ruthless when he feels you’re about to leave him and take half of everything.
Secure Your Vitals.
“Change any passwords that your husband has knowledge of or access to,” Mizrahi said. “Not only can this protect assets, it will prevent vindictive behavior on the part of your spouse — such as theft.”
While you’re at it, you may want to hide passports — both your own and your children’s.
Inventory Your Belongings.
“Make a list of which items were gifts and which you bought with your own money before the marriage,” Mizrahi urges. “With your digital camera, create a visual catalogue of all your physical possessions, including furniture, furnishings, art, collectibles, rugs, electronic and computer equipment, china, cars, and so on.”
Mizrahi also suggests keeping a spreadsheet and getting as organized as humanly possible. “When you begin divorce proceedings, organization is crucial. The more prepared you are, the more likely the process will go more smoothly.”
If all this seems like a lot of work, it’s because it can be. But it’s important to document your evidence and get as organized as possible. Sometimes divorces don’t go smoothly because one spouse does a lot of foot-dragging.
By showing that you’re serious, he and his attorneys will be forced to get mobilized so you can get the show on the road.
To save a lot of time and hassle, it’s best if you and your spouse can work together toward an amicable split. If you think you might be a good candidate for this path, take our free questionnaire and get pre-qualified today.