Recently, blogger Elle Chase came to terms with the fact that she wasn’t a size 2 and would, in many circles, be considered a “plus-size,” whatever that means. Admitting that other people’s perceptions of her had her quite uncomfortable in her first physical relationship after she’d decided to file for divorce, she was amazed that her new partner actually found her attractive.
“So, when I left my husband at age 40 and entered into a very passionate affair with a new man, I ran headfirst into a thick and impervious wall of shame and self-hatred. Though emotionally I felt that he wanted me, intellectually, I couldn’t understand why. I couldn’t get my head around the idea that he found me sexually attractive; after all, I wasn’t built like Jennifer Aniston.”
The post, entitled “I’m 45, Fat, and Finally Know I’m Sexy,” has struck a chord with thousands of readers who’ve been in Elle’s shoes. What it highlights is why most people — regardless of whether they’ve ever filed divorce papers — should give themselves more credit than they do.
1. You are your own worst critic.
You see yourself every single day of life. There is literally nowhere that you can go where you’ll get away from being able to know what’s going on with your own body. As such, you’re going to see quite a few flaws, and they’re going to out-muscle the so-called “good” qualities that other people are more likely to notice.
2. Media / pop culture is a poor judge of the diverse tastes that are out there in the real world.
Most media and mass entertainment is in it for one thing — to attract as many eyeballs as possible. Eyeballs equal dollars, and so it’s uncommon for any of it to take chances by welcoming a more diverse view of the world and what is attractive in the eyes of others. They play to the lowest common denominator of society, more often than not, and so that leaves the rest of us out of the picture. The truth of the matter is that many men and women are attracted to different body types than what you’ll see in the latest summer blockbuster. Men and women are just looking for someone they can connect with, and there are myriad ways of doing that.
3. You are in control.
Anyone who has ever filed divorce forms and hoped for a peaceful resolution with their spouse knows that you cannot control what the other person is going to say or do. All you can do is control your attitude. You have it within you not to let others be the judge of how you see yourself. Be empowered, and you’ll find a sexier version of yourself than you ever thought existed.