If you have had to file for divorce — or if you’re the unwilling participant in a divorce — you’re going to need time to recover. Unfortunately, many people try to force-feed themselves recovery as if it were a dish they could devour and once again feel full.
Divorce has not and will not ever work that way. That’s because, as much as you’d like your head to take over, your heart is involved. You can try to deny that involvement, but it will eventually take over.
Here are some reasons why you should never rush your recovery once those divorce papers are filed.
One: You Can Make Mistakes That Negatively Impact Your Future.
I have a friend whose wife left him for another man. To cope with the pain, he “hooked up” with a woman not three months after the ink was dry on his divorce forms. Nine months later, his daughter was born. While he wouldn’t trade her — after all, he’s a good parent — you can see how bad it hurts him to share custody and make arrangements around his baby-mama’s schedule, especially now that she’s found someone else.
Two: You Can Convince Yourself You’re Doing Fine When You’re Not.
Grief needs time to work itself out. If you’re unwilling to give it that, the pressure builds up and eventually comes out in a more damaging way. When people date too soon after a divorce, they have a tendency to put off the grieving process. They don’t give themselves time to work through the denial and the anger. They never get to acceptance, and a lot of years can be wasted in such a state.
Three: Your Actions Can Hurt Other People.
While it’s good to take some me-time after the divorce is final, you shouldn’t do things that hurt other people. And if you rush in to relationships right after saying goodbye to your ex, you’re basically holding that person’s emotions hostage.
Four: By Not Rushing, You Can Get To Know Yourself In Ways You Never Thought You Could.
My business was a direct response to the recovery process of my divorce. By giving it time and working through all the stages — both pleasant and unpleasant — I found out that I had the resiliency and patience to be a business owner. Six years later, things are still going strong, and I would have never known it — or perhaps it would have taken me longer to figure out — had it not been for the snail’s pace recovery.
In Summary
When you hurt, the first thing you want to do is get over it. But your efforts to do that can lead to greater pain if you’re not careful. Learn to manage your recovery, and you’ll emerge stronger than you ever dreamed.
Some times in life you have to do things you don’t want to do for the betterment of your children take for instance me my husband wakes up each day to put me down he has broken me down to the point that I have thought about killing my self but that wouldn’t serve my daughter any good and it would probly make him happy and I don’t want to make him anything but gone our of my life my daughter has had to watch all of our fights and she don’t need that