In a recent column for USA Today, contributor and former counselor Diane Medved attacked the idea that there can be such thing as a “good divorce.”
“The message seems simple,” wrote Medved. “With the right attitude, divorce can lead to a relatively pleasant mélange of happily combined relatives. But that wasn’t what I saw in my years counseling divorcing couples.”
Medved points out research from Maggie Gallagher that shows 80 percent of all divorces are unilateral rather than mutual decisions. “Lots of spouses get dumped,” Medved said. “Still, healthy people can wade through the hurt and make the best of the situation.”
Medved’s column is definitely worth a look if you’re interested in what really happens when a spouse decides to file for divorce, but for our purposes, we’d like to look at this idea of making “the best of the situation.”
Disspelling The Myth Of ‘Good Divorce’
Getting rid of this idea that divorce — even a cheap divorce online — is supposed to be without its share of heartache and turmoil is important to the overall health of divorced persons.
The more society tries to make it seem like it’s “okay” to be divorced, the more unfair pressure is placed on the party that doesn’t want the divorce to “get over themselves” when they very well could be a victim of the other spouse’s actions.
This isn’t healthy.
As Medved writes, “Years ago, tempted cartoon characters paused to consider the coaxing of an angel perched on their right shoulder and a devil on their left. The conscience angel urged, ‘Do your duty! Do what is moral and right! Defer gratification!’ The self-centered devil whispered, ‘Do what feels good! Follow your heart! Get what you want, right now!’”
“Granted, not all marriages can survive, like the hopeless cases where an abusive or addicted spouse won’t get help,” Medved said. “To overcome problems, both partners must want to stay married; the hitch is that our non-judgmental culture greases their paths out the door instead of encouraging deep introspection.”
In addition to the parties involved, divorce can, and often does, cause harm to children, while also shaking up the lives of in-laws, friends, and other bystanders.
Yes, A Lot Of Good Can Come From Divorce.
But let’s stop acting like “good divorce” exists.
That’s Medved’s sentiment, and we agree. However, the quicker that you can get through the end of your marriage, the more likely you will be to rebuild your life-after into something positive.
If we can help you do this via a streamlined online divorce, then we’ll get you started. Regardless of what you decide, best of luck to your recovery!